Victoria's Secret

OMG! i cannot believe it! Victoria's Secret called and im hired! so, now i officially work for Victoria's Secret. Im so thrilled. this morning i was really bummed out because i started to lose hope. I was ready to completely give up on the idea that i would work there when finally, i receive a call saying they would love to have me on board. i start training on saturday. i guess things do happen the way i want them to. i visualized as much as i could and i got it. now if only the love of my life would show up! **sigh**

random rant

im so bored right now. i should be packing but i literally feel like i am incapable of lifting my ass off the chair. i hate the days that i go home, not because i dont wanna go home because i want to more than anything, but because on those days i cant ever seem to find things to do because theres always this unsettling feeling. i know im leaving, i know i have to pack, so everything has to go along with a schedule. i hate packing too because i always feel like im gonna forget something so i overpack, later on i find ive still forgotten something. i hate it when things are a mess too, even though im a disorganized mess most of the time, but it bugs me when things are out of place, however, i never get up to put them to their right places. its so weird because somehow, my stuff always seems to be all over the place. i may clean up my room and the next day its like KABOOM! explosion. i also find i smoke alot more when im bored and restless. surprise surprise there! ive been up 2 hours an have already had 3 ciggs and am about to go for another one. im scared to imagine what it will be like when i run out of these wonderful Sweet Dreams. They taste so good, but they are expensive. im kinda broke right now, it sucks alot, i dont have money to buy my family presents and its so hard to find a job. i applied for Victoria's Secret and went to the interview, i thought i presented myself well but they still havent called. now im facing the unpleasant task of more applications and more interviews and i only have a month to work. it seems pointless but oh how i want a job. i wanna be able to support myself, and my dog. I love my dog.

chocolate tears

infinitely smaller than a footstep that continues to imprint the bottom of the murky waters, a pebble drops to form a ripple thats to represent the movement of sound. only if youre there will you hear it, otherwise the sound does not exist. monitoring my mental capacity as it drops to a nonexistant level becomes a priority but not a requisite. in fact, its unpresidented in its attempt to blind the ones who think they see because the truth takes the form of the living creatures to reveal that you do NOT know what you think you know. the silence might be so loud that its deafening and the audible is muted for the audible is almost always inaccessible and completely irrelevant. so who should we believe? the walls that form around us, pain dripping lazily upon our heads from the ceiling, or speech presented by the sky and stars that breathe us and guide us when we cannot find the way. yesterday i found a way to measure life within a teaspoon, swallow the substance and find myself regurgitating upon the bathroom floor. i fell into a quiet sleep and lost myself within the tubes of ticking seconds, jumping over numbered mountains and sucking innocence out of a straw. so if this has any meaning, its the meaning you connect within yourself, between your mind and heart, to make an agreement. what it is, only you know.

Yoga

Over the past 2 years, ive done yoga on and off but it wasnt until recently that i began to delve deeper into the practice. I do it everyday, 2 or 3 times a week with an instructor, and the rest by myself. Ive begun to reap all the benefits offered but with that a new feeling has emerged and thats the desire to go even deeper. Ive decided i want to become a certified yoga instructor. I cant think of anything that would be more satisfying to me. The thing that im looking forward to the most is going through the training. My instructor sent me a link to a yoga training and certification center in richmond that sounds amazing. Basically, you have to get up in the morning, before the sun rises, and do about 2 hours of yoga. Then you eat breakfast, followed my meditation or more yoga, then its lunch followed by non other than yoga and then dinner, meditation and lights out at 9 o' clock. Now, i know that sounds crazy to alot of you, but to me its a dream come true. I dont know if its a good thing but im the kind of person who gets pretty wrapped up in things that excite and interest me to the point where i may become somewhat obsessive, but not in a psychotic way i must add, so its a good thing because i become good at things i do but whats bad is that when something doesnt intrigue me much i dont bother with it at all because im putting all my energy into the thing that excites me. I have a dream in mind of being the lead singer of a rock band, but now im getting a new dream of becoming a yoga instructor and studying buddhism or something. I just realized how different i am from my family. ugh, outcast.

Confusion

This past semester has been the most mind boggling, introspective, confusing and yet wonderful semester. Ive learned alot but yet i still feel like i know nothing. Its a marvelous feeling. Ever since i can remember, ive been writing music and dreamed of a career in music. However, education is very important so here i find myself searching for the right thing to major in and study. The reason this has been such a confusing semester is because i realized that i no longer wanna be an art major. The notion is saddening, even as i speak or think the words, but its the way i feel. The worst part is that i cannot describe why i feel that way or what made me change my mind, i just did. Maybe because im intimidated or because im simply discouraged because of how many amazing artists are around me. Or maybe its the lack of belief in myself that i can be an artist. Actually, i think its more that i dont have the passion to be an artist. I love art, dont get me wrong, but in comparison to my passion for music, the art falls short. So, i started doing lots of research, trying to find out about different areas of study that i can venture into and i found international studies. Just a note before i continue, by biggest issue is that everything intrigues me. Ive always been excited by so many different things and it worked to my advantage, up until now, because lets face it, you cant octa-major. Now, within the international studies department, you have to chose global studies which include things like global art etc, or area studies which is just that, Asian studies or Mediterranean studies etc. So, naturally, everything on there sounded so exciting. Im leaning towards Global Arts major and Asian Studies minor. Sounds like i really have it figured out now doesnt it? Nope! you guessed wrong. Now philosophy is blinking like a large neon sign in my brain and so is spanish and so is religious studies with the focus on asian religions. I think i might lose it. And to top things off, i made the huge mistake in telling my dad about majoring in international studies and he was thrilled, which he definitely didnt feel when i told him i wanted to do art last year. So now, this encouragement from him might make it impossible to swing any other way and my biggest fear is doing something for someone else and not being happy. one word...THERAPY!

Kinetic Imaging project course

the last 4 weeks of school ive been taking a Kinetic Imaging class focusing on sound. The first assignment we had was to take a 15 minute walk around campus and listen to all of the sounds. We then had to answer questions based on what we heard. It was a wonderful exercise that taught us to open our ears to whats around us. Our first project was to create our own instrument. It was so inspiring to see all the students create very interesting sounds, some going all out and actually using their project to play short songs or melodies. The second project, which i think i enjoyed the most, was to pick a scene from a DVD and a song. We had to present our project by playing the DVD scene on mute and playing back the song. I chose to use a scene from Aladdin and a song called nomadic knights that turned out to go together perfectly. Our final project, which we are presenting today, was to work in groups to create a story and record it on a 4 track with sound effects.
This class was wonderful for me because i am a musician and i work with sound and recording all the time. This opened my ears and eyes to sounds and equipment that i hadnt heard or seen. We even had a guy who owns a recording studio that my instructor works at come in and talk to us about a career and recording sound. I learned alot of stuff that i didnt know about, mostly the equipment. My instructor was very knowledgeable of the things that she talked about and i could tell she got really inspired and excited when she saw our projects (she was sort of the quiet solemn type so it really showed).

Studio

This class was a very diverse class that required work on alot of different projects that included video, photography and an opportunity to work with Flash. We even had an interesting performance art piece in which we went in front of the dorms and played freeze tag. That piece proved to be more successful than i anticipated. The first project we had to do we were required to work with a partner and there i met the wonderful, talented and creative Kristina Benns www.riskyspacewalk.blogspot.com
I really enjoyed this class because unlike my studio class last semester, we worked with tools that i like. My classmates were so wonderful and incredibly inspiring. What i loved the most was observing my classmates work and create projects that were beautiful. I noticed that every single one of them had a style of their own that continued to evolve through each piece and i can safely and honestly say that i look at all of them as artists, and thats not a statement i make very often. My instructor, the wonderful Rosemary, was so charismatic and passionate about the projects she gave and always helped and offered great advice while we were working. This is the only Art course ive taken so far that i actually felt the class became like a little family. I learned lots of very sweet technical skills like Flash and making videos, which i had lots of trouble with but feel ive improved.